Part-2 Chapter 5

Its strange. But its not entirely wrong. Human beings undergo a plethora of emotions in their lifetime. Every day, right from the moment the brain wakes up till the second it goes back to sleep, we float in the sea called emotions. At different points in time, we land in different islands which are concrete emotional blocks. We stay there for sometime , either enjoy the emotion or feel bad about it -depending on which island we have landed on.And then we move on - invariably move on. This 'moving on' is not the individuals trait, but the trait of the entire mankind. No human being cannot stay in the same emotion for a considerable period of time. We have to invariably keep moving on. Be it happiness, be it tears. But what is individualistic is the 'duration' that one holds on to a particular emotion. And this 'duration' depends on a number of factors. For instance, it might even depend on the time of the day. It sounds unnatural to believe people tend to cry for a loss more in the mornings than at nights, but that might be true. There is no reason why it should not be. May be when the sun is up and shining, nobody wants to undergo a loss. May be at the dark hour, we don't mind as much. There is more to it than just that.This 'individualistic duration of emotion' is too complicated that even the individual does not realize it a lot of times. For instance,the duration one can afford to relax in the pleasant air enjoying the evening breeze may be proportional to the time one can afford to cry for the loss of something near and dear. This might seem contradicting, this might seem bizarre ,but nature has its own beautiful inner laws that mankind is far from exploring.

It was the time of the day that did the trick for Sembaruthi.

As soon as Singarakannan started to row back to the palace, she fell back on the boat and drifted to deep sleep. It seemed really strange to Singarakannan. He had no idea who this woman was, but still he was starting to form opinions about her. 'She cannot be the spy from Pavazhanadu. I can't explain why she cannot be, but then she surely cannot be' - he thought as he rowed further. His body was aching again and he could not manage to row as fast as the lady wanted him to. 'What were the words...what were those words that she said a few hours back when i started rowing? yes , she said - 'there it is...there it is... the cloud...the cloud of something...was it the princess? was it something else? it doesn't make sense in any case. Hah, the princess... what abt her? isn't she the reason for all this. Had she not come to Sirpakalanji last week, would i still be doing all this? I don't know. May be not. What is this that i am feeling for the princess? Is it love? How can love possibly spring between me and someone whom i have never met before? Is this not just the beauty of the princess that has attracted me? Why then it would have attracted every youth in Sirpakalanji that day. But no, it was not her beauty. May be it was her presence. It was the air . Air? No, couldn't be the air . What else then? The fact that she is a princess made her a bit more beautiful to my eyes? No, even if she were ugly, i still would have felt good about her. It is true that you need to 'know' a person to judge him. But there are exceptions. When you meet the best person you will ever meet in your life, you realise it the moment you meet that person. That applies to love too. May be yes. Or may be i am convincing myself by figuring out reasons for all the stupid things i have done so far. Yes, Yes..that must be the case. Doesn't oli say that often - he has a wonderful way of putting it...Men often create reasons to explain their stupidity. Women don't bother to because it is afterall men they have to explain themselves to'.. Aah, here now... this lady is getting up.... is she going to shout at me again? i have to first figure out if she is a mad woman or not. Let me wait and watch how this unfolds'


Sembaruthi got up shivering. The sleep seemed to have no effect on her. She looked as pale as death. Her face was yellow. She was sick. More than that, she was shivering with cold. Singarakannan remained silent. He looked in the opposite direction as if he had not noticed her getting up.

Sembaruthi was going through terrible emotions too. She had stabbed the queen two nights back and the incidents that happened that night were steep and can never be forgotten till breathed the last time. She could not think clearly and that was expected. Huge heavy blankets of emotions had fallen over her and when that happens, we cannot escape loss of clarity. A lot of things had happened and the worst part of all that was the moment she stabbed the queen. She was manipulated - by whom she had no idea of. The fear of having killed the queen had slowly seemed to settled down but it had again sprung back from where it was hiding inside her brain. It came back again and again and she heard voices inside her head. All non human voices - shouting, screaming... and there were thousand hands that sprung out from the dark surroundings all trying to strangulate her. More than all that, it was the strange feeling of having betrayed by people she believed so much that was causing her all the pain.
And she shivered more.

It may sound foolish and wierd, but because thats how it is, thats how it will be explained. The sun at this point had come right on top of the head and the boat was moving in the middle of the sea. No other boat was visible as far as the eyes could see. The sun slowly started shining brightly and Sembaruthi felt warmer than before. She curled into herself more. It seemd , the more the heat of the sun she was feeling, the lesser the mental torture that she was undergoing. It felt strange to her why such a thing should happen, but she did not care to contemplate it further. But this new sensation which she for some reason felt as some magical ray of hope made her talk to Singarakannan which she might not have done at all had it been dark and gloomy.

"Ayya" she spoke in a slow voice

Singarakannan turned to her side. He did not expect such a soft voice .
"Devi"

"Where are we now?" she asked in a even softer voice

"We have covered quarter way to the palace Devi. We will reach there tomorrow when the sun rises"

She nodded her head. There was silence for a few minutes. Sembaruthi broke it again.

"Ayya"

Singarakannan turned once again. He was somehow convinced that she was not a mad woman afterall.
"Yes Devi... you are really sick. I will try my best to row to the palace as fast as possible"

" Yes, i am sick..." Sembaruthi muttered, more to herself.

" You seem to be really sick. I think this must be the first time you have had such an experience"

Sembaruthi looked at him with a hint of fear on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... water going into your lungs ... "

Sembaruthi thought for a while.
"Yes" she said without any hint of change in expression.

Singarakannan came up to ask something, but stopped himself and fell silent again. There was silence for a few more minutes. Sembaruthi felt that she wanted to talk to someone . And she could not wait till she met Eezhendiran. She wanted someone to confess the horrible things that she had committed. If imayaazh was here, she would have cried and fell on her lap. But will she ever meet Imayaazh again ? More than Imayaazh, she wanted to meet her husband maithreyan right at that moment. How foolish of her to stab the queen. Her hands started trembling again. 'If only it was not planned by Maithreyan, if only it was all a masterplan of the vaithiyar as it seems to be, if only i had been manipulated into doing a unthinkable crime....what then? what could i do? how will i explain my husband about what i had done? how can justify the king of pavazhanadu kunjidhapaadhanaar that i did kill his loving wife, but did not mean to? oh no .... i can't stand it anymore.... i am going to end my life here....right now.... the boat is in the middle of the sea .... if i jump now...this man cannot jump in to save me.... no he cannot.... i will die and then i won't have to hear people blaming me for all the terrible things i have done... yes...the vaithiyar will escape...yes, the world would think of me as a ruthless, cunning , spineless spy who killed the queen.... do i want that to happen... no ..i can't decide.... i can't decide... but i will take my life.... before that i will tell all i know to this man rowing the boat.... let him know all my secrets.... let him stop the war that will happen ... let him stop all the blood that will flow.... i don't care.... i can't stand this anymore... yes... i will tell him everything ...and jump into amudhu....the gods know iam innocent.... arivamudhar who sits at the top of madhiyamalai knows am innocent... i don't care what human mortals think ... but no day will my husband think that i did the crime... never will that happen... but if that happens.... i don't want to stay alive to hear that.... aah...here i go...god...give me strength to gather myself ...and tell this man everything.... everything that i know .... and then i will come to you... i will surrender in your arms.... '

Sembaruthi turned towards singarakkan and started narrating the strange incidents that had happened in the last four days. Singrakannan started getting more and more surprised as sembaruthi spoke abt what had happened to her in the last few days. His expression slowly changed from what he thought of as a hearing to confessions of a innocent lady to fear to more fear and even more fear.
At the end of it all he had stopped rowing the boat. He stood there like a madman, his eyes widened apart , his heart beating at infinite pace, his face showing strange fears of approaching gloom.

The reason for such a change was straight - he just simply could not stand the idea of the 'cloud of the princess' !